The Kunoichi Gamble
by Wingless Night
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto undertake a strange mission from their sensei: a very strange mission. Who will be able to get a boyfriend the fastest? Warning: this does contain crossdressing and shonen ai! And of course, there's language!
1. A Bet to Remember

_Disclaimer_: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

_Warnings_: Shonen-ai…crossdressing…

_Summary_: Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto undertake a strange mission from their sensei: a very strange mission. Who will be able to get a boyfriend the fastest? Warning: this does contain crossdressing and shonen ai!

Gamble: A Bet to Remember

It all started out much like every other day started out. Uchiha Sasuke, the prodigy of Konohagakure's Uchiha Clan, and the last remaining one in the village (the only other one who was alive was currently gallivanting off in the wilderness with a strange fish-man named Hoshigaki Kisame. However, these two are not part of our storyline, so we don't give a damn about them, okay? Okay)

Uchiha Sasuke was what people would call a "ninja." He had the perfect looks to be one, as well. His spiky hair, probably styled after a parakeet, was jet-black. His eyes were black, as well. He wore a wide-collared royal blue shirt with a strange symbol on the back. The symbol was a fan, the top half red and the bottom white. It was the Uchiha crest – his family's honorable character, which also happens to be what "Uchiha" means. That's right, folks. His last name was "fan." He was surprised that a certain blonde dobe hadn't figured it out.

But there's reasons that said blonde was a dobe.

At least Sasuke could keep _some_ dignity around him when things like this happened.

What's "this" you ask?

You mean I didn't get to the entire point yet?

Fuck.

Anyways… back to explaining how the day was for all of them.

Sasuke was waiting at the bridge that he always waited at this early in the morning, for his teammates and teacher to show up.

What the hell was taking them so long anyway? After all, he'd been waiting since three in the morning. We won't ask why he was waiting at three in the morning, but he was. Sasuke's dedicated to killing his brother like that… yes, the same brother who was off gallivanting in the wilderness with none other than a big fish man who has NO eyelids.

Anyway… back to the story.

Sasuke was sitting on the bridge, cursing out his teammates and teacher in his head when he heard the ever loud ring of "SASUKE-KUN!" from somewhere to the left.

Fearing for his life, Sasuke cast a paranoid look over and was relieved to see that it was only ONE fangirl instead of half a dozen.

Haruno Sakura was coming, a pink-haired, green eyes girl dressed in a maroon dress that had slits and green shorts. The girl's forehead protector had been tied over her head. In fact, compared to most of the girls that ran after Sasuke and certainly in comparison to ALL of the guys that were after him, Sakura was in the top ten for prettiest. Only a few of those girls at the bathhouses beat her… but again, another story for another day.

Soon after Sakura had run down the path and grabbed onto his arm, which he hated but didn't have the will to tell her (he was lazy in the morning, especially after waiting four hours for his teammates), the blonde dobe that had crossed his thoughts earlier was actually appearing in person.

And yes… he was blonde. Spiky hair that stuck up from his head without the use of hair-gel was definitely the boy's style. He wore a bright orange jumpsuit, which Sasuke personally thought was strange for a ninja and told the boy this several times a day, and his forehead protector, like Sasuke's, was firmly in place where it was supposed to be. He had the deepest blue eyes that anyone could have. They were a mixture of the sky and sea: the color was that of the sky, but the depth was that of the sea. His cheeks were scarred with three lines on each side of his nose ((Sasuke never could figure out where the things came from, but he didn't bother asking)) and his mouth was stretched into a vulpine grin. The boy was Uzumaki Naruto.

So now that his teammates were hear, the only person that Sasuke had left to curse at was his teacher, Hatake Kakashi. A seemingly one-eyed man with only a quarter of a face, for he wore a mask that came over his nose and his left eye was covered by his forehead protector. Now, Kakashi was infamous for his being late, so chances were, the three genin had a very long time to wait for their teacher to poof in out of the blue and give some stupid excuse. All in all, Sasuke thought this was stupid, especially since he wanted to train.

After all, he still had to kill his brother. ((Yes, the one with the fish-man, surely you know this already!))

No one knows who started the conversation that morning, but it was clear that it was not the anti-social bastard known to his peers as Sasuke. After all, he _was_ an anti-social bastard, thank you very much!

Sakura had let go of Sasuke's arm and was currently leaning against the rail. After the first couple of shouted insults as Sasuke, all of which were effortlessly deflected, Naruto quieted done.

"It's beautiful out here," Naruto said softly, as though unaware that anyone was around him. He looked up at the sky, palms resting on the top of the red rails that formed the bridge they were comfortably standing on.

"What do you mean, baka?" Sakura sniped. She had been in the middle of a particularly graphic fantasy of her and Sasuke in an apartment, under a blanket with no clothes on and… you get the point. Basically, she was having a wonderful fantasy sex with Sasuke.

Naruto stayed silent, which made the pink-haired girl even angrier. She walked over to her blonde teammate and pushed him off the rail. Losing his balance quickly, Naruto soon found himself sitting in the shallow river, completely soaked, with a sore bum that had landed on a rock. He winced in pain as he tried to stand up, yes… tried. Apparently, he had also twisted his ankle on the way down. This didn't help him at all, for when he tried to stand up, his ankle wouldn't support him and he ended up sprawled in the river once again.

"Oy, dobe!" Sasuke called down the two feet to the boy.

"Nani, teme?" Naruto growled.

"You okay there?" Sasuke wanted to know.

"It's not like I need your help like one of your fucking fangirls," Naruto snarled back.

Needless to say, that comment left two people very angry. One was Naruto himself, because he was angry anyway at having fallen. Another was one of those "fucking fangirls" that Naruto had just pointed out.

A vein in danger of popping on her abnormally wide forehead, Sakura stomped through the shallow water towards Naruto. "BAKA!" she screamed, slapping her teammate as hard as she could. With that done, she walked away from the blonde.

Oh yes, there are a few things that the author forgot to mention. Please forgive me, but if I don't say it now, then the next part will confuse a lot of you. The genin are now the whooping age of sixteen, and Naruto has long since been over the pink-haired cherry blossom, as some would call her.

Naruto and Sasuke preferred to think of her as a she-devil, though they never dared to say their opinions of their teammates aloud. They didn't want to die, and nothing is as dangerous as a girl when she's pissed off _and _PMSing. They could handle the girl's temper on a normal basis, but something in the minds, after four years of being together, told them it was near to the girl's time of the month. Dear God, save them now!

Naruto, being the delightful idiot we all know and love, happened to forget that little fact as he grumbled, just loud enough for her to hear, "That's probably a good reason why she doesn't have a boyfriend."

Sasuke looked at his comrade, eyes widened, as he bit his lip to hold back laughter. Sakura's eye twitched menacingly.

"What did you say?" she screamed.

Naruto winced at the volume of the yell, but stared back at her steadily. "You heard me, Sakura-chan. I said that you're too violent to have a boyfriend."

Sasuke swore he saw at least four veins about to pop on the pink-haired girl's forehead. He knew this wasn't a good sign and therefore, stepped back about ten feet, hoping that was far enough to be out of the radius of the girl's anger.

"Yeah, but at least I try!" Sakura yelled back. Sasuke looked from one to the other, as they shouted random insults and baiting words at each other. Despite the fact that they were insulting each other, neither wanted a physical fight. So they kept this one at a mental level.

"Why would I want to try?" Naruto growled back, finally able to stand on his own. "It's not like I'm gay or anything!"

Sakura laughed… an evil, maniacal, terrorizing snickering sound… okay, so it wasn't that bad. But it wasn't a nice laugh either. Instead, she just chuckled, as though she knew something that the other didn't.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a confused glance as they looked at their poor mentally unstable teammate. Did she take her pills this morning? Laughter. No… guess not. Of course, Sakura didn't _really_ take pills… except for a few vitamins and maybe birth control, but who cares, right?

"I bet that you couldn't get a boyfriend, even if you were a girl!" Sakura challenged, eyes glinting mischievously. Oh yes, it was time to set her matchmaking plan into action.

"What?" Naruto growled back. "One week and I could get a boyfriend – probably faster than you."

"No you couldn't… you would have to act like a girl and everything to get a real boyfriend."

"Still, it would be one week, even after all this training was done! ONE WEEK!"

Sakura grinned to herself. "All right, Naruto-baka," she said. "One week of training to be a girl, and then one week of actually looking for a boyfriend, and we'll see who wins."

Sakura turned to Sasuke, and the black-haired boy suddenly got a very, very bad feeling. "Sasuke-kun?" the girl said sweetly.

Sasuke blinked, refusing to let any emotion show on his face. Behind him, he heard Naruto snickering to himself.

Anger surged through the Fan… err.. the Uchiha as he whirled and faced a soaked Naruto.

"What're you laughing at, dobe?" he snapped, obviously, getting only three hours of sleep didn't help his temper much. Perhaps he should reconsider waking up at two and getting to the bridge by three, especially since he went to be at eleven at the earliest. Sighing, Sasuke stared at Naruto, who was looking at him with a blank expression.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Kakashi appeared, perverted book in hand and a creepy smile in his eye.

"I think it's a great idea Sakura-chan!" Kakashi said with a grin – or what his students interpreted as a grin. After all, seeing one-fourth of a persons face is really hard to distinguish feelings from, especially on a ninja like Kakashi.

"Don't you?" Sakura asked coyly. "I thought you would agree. I can even get Ino to help me teach them, and then I know several people who could help us teach them all it takes to be a kunoichi."

Kakashi looked at his single female student proudly. "Thank you for the idea you presented me with last night, but don't you think that a week is a little to short for them?"

"Wait a minute!" Sasuke yelled.

Kakashi and Sakura, in the midst of their plotting, turned to Fan-Man with a bored expression on their faces. "Yes?" the asked in the same bored tone.

"What do you mean by 'them'?" Sasuke wanted to know. "Naruto's the only one participating."

Both the girl and the jounin's faces spread into a very maniacal expression and Sasuke could only feel the most unimaginable fear there was to feel.

The jounin strolled over to his student. "Just think of this as a mission, Sasuke-kun," he said lightly.

Sasuke glared daggers at the man. The daggers bounced off the jounin's dagger-proof shield, which made Sasuke pout.

Suddenly, Naruto wandered over to the boy. "At least their not asking up to stay in our male forms for this… I'll teach you Oiroke no Jutsu(1)," he said.

Sasuke was about to thank Naruto, when Kakashi's voice cut in.

"Sorry, Naru-chan but for this, you have to stay male. Now, report back here at eight tomorrow morning and we'll get you both started. Whoever completes the mission first, gets a surprise."

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a look of complete and utter horror. Just what the fuck had they gotten themselves into?

End Chapter One

_Kyuubi-chan's Corner!_

_Hao, everyone. I know, I know, I have two other fics that I need to complete. I Can't Be Born Again is put on hold until after the battle between Sasuke and Naruto is completed in the manga, because that battle holds the key to one of the parts that's in the upcoming chapter of ICBBA. I Bleed Black, well, I'm writing the next chapter, but I got bored, and so I wanted to do something FUN! So I came up with the perfect idea. _

_Sasuke in a dress. _

_You'll find out what kind of dress soon._

_(1) Oiroke no Jutsu is also known as Sexy no Jutsu. One of Naruto's own, this one can even beat old man Sarutobi!_

_-Kyuubi-chan-_


	2. The Horror

_Mwa haa haa haa! I am back, with Chapter Two of Gamble. And don't worry, all you little kiddies out there – Sasuke and Naruto will be in a dresses in this chapter… and we'll also introduce who they have to try and go after, I think. Well, I already know who it is, but I'm not sure if it comes up in this chapter. Oh well.. _

**Kunoichi Gamble: The Horrors**

The next day, two extremely jovial teenagers were making their way to the bridge that they had been at the day before. Well, I would like to say jovial, but that might be an overstatement. Fine, I'll tell it how it was.

Uchiha Sasuke, who's last name still meant Fan, and Uzumaki Naruto, who's name translates roughly as Spiral Fishcakes ((especially such fishcakes as those found in certain types of ramen)), were making their way over to the bridge in a deep depression. Now that the heat of the argument was over, Naruto was beginning to dread what was happening right before his eyes.

Kakashi was actually there on time for once. I suppose he just loves torturing his students. Sakura was standing next to him with a very evil looking grin on her face.

_This is bad_, both boys thought as they reached the red bridge at the same time. And little did they know just _how_ bad it was.

For there, with two identical maniacal grins, was Satan and his beloved sidekick… um… "Little Satan"… But they were much better known as Kakashi and Sakura, respectively.

"Come on, hurry it _up_," Sakura shouted at the two exasperated. Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a glance. Sasuke glared at Naruto. If he lived to see the end of this "mission" ((as Kakashi oh-so-sweetly put it)) then he would kill Naruto.

Yes, in the most painful way possible.

Perhaps he would feed him to a pack of those damned Area 44 tigers… or maybe Naruto would "accidentally slip" off Hokage Mounument… or he would torture him by throwing him in a large patch of poison ivy… or maybe he would humiliate him by making him reveal that he's a man, while they are dressed up as women… oh, the possibilities were endless.

Naruto looked at Sasuke funny. The Fan-Man looked as though he were plotting something. And when Uchiha Sasuke, otherwise known as "anti-social bastard", "Fan-Man", and of course, the ever loving "asshole", anyway, when Uchiha Sasuke was plotting something, it was _never_ good for Naruto.

Nope.

Never.

"What are you thinking, Sasuke?" Naruto wanted to know, and he wanted to get his mind off of the horrible predicament that he and Sasuke had somehow managed to get themselves into. ((We'll look past the fact that it was solely Naruto's fault for the moment))

"Ways to murder you in so much pain… lots of pain…" and then the normally-stoic boy let out a strange sort of giggle.

Naruto pouted. "Sasukeeeee…" he whined.

"What?" Sasuke replied.

Naruto took a deep breath, which made Sasuke tilt his head to the side as if to say "what the fuck?"

"What are you smoking and _why didn't you share!"_ Naruto grumbled. Ah, yes… the memories of Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, Kiba and Shikamaru all sitting there, in the same room, with something that Kiba had brought. Not to mention the fact that they were totally smashed from beer, vodka, wine, whiskey, rum, gin, and a lot of other type of alcoholic drinks. However, Kiba had taking out what looked to be a cigarette and lit it… but the smell – oh, that was _not_ tobacco.

For a bunch of sexually deprived fifteen year old males, it was so much more.

It was right then and there that the five had made a pact that whenever they could, they would meet and get smashed and then smoke up. Oh, the glorious blissfulness that had been going on for the past year and would continue long into their Jounin careers, if they ever actually _made_ it to that step.

But, like most things I've mentioned – this is another story, for another day… sadly that day is not today. Oh, woe that I cannot recount several tales of how Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, Kiba and Shikamaru all got high and then… well, anyways… on with the story.

After Naruto's blatant comment about smoking up without the group, Sasuke raised his chin in his arrogant I-will-raise-my-chin-and-all-of-you-will-love-me-except-for-Naruto-who-will-think-that-I-am-an-arrogant-bastard manner. Actually, he was wrong. Naruto was not thinking about how Sasuke was an arrogant bastard.

He was thinking about how Sasuke really needed to get laid.

Oh, the wonders of the mind of a blonde. Quite fun to explore, but… tours aren't scheduled until next Thursday, I'm afraid. And well, by that time, I won't be around so I pity you greatly. However, when I'm back in town, maybe we'll…

**_Out of nowhere, the narrator is cut off due to the fact that a rather large piano has fallen onto her head. Don't worry, she's all right, though she might get the idea that she shouldn't go off on a tangent without permission. _**__

Dammit! That piano hurt like a bitch. Okay, as I was saying before I went off on a tangent (and conveniently got a piano thrown on my head but I miraculously survived)

**_A sign appears behind the narrator's head saying: "Only Kyuubi-chan can have a piano thrown on her and survive, so don't try this at home, kiddies."_**

****

****BAH! Who keeps on taking over my role as narrator! Oh, well, it doesn't matter… right now, anyway.

"I'm not smoking anything, dobe," the Fan-Man said indignantly. "I just forgot to get coffee this morning and you know how it is."

Naruto, on the other hand, was pointedly ignoring him, which pissed off the Fan-Man. Well, Naruto didn't _mean_ to ignore him. But when one is thinking about one's best friend _really_ needing to get laid, one won't exactly listen to what's around one.

Sasuke sighed. He knew there was no reaching the blonde dobe at this point and so he continued the ten feet to the bridge, where Satan and Little Satan were waiting. He could see their pitchforks and pointy tails… and cute pointy ears. Somehow, he started cursing himself for forgetting his camera on a day like today. Realizing what he was doing, he stopped that train of thought and turned to Kakashi.

"You're early, what's wrong?" he asked, glaring at the silver-haired man with the most evil and sinister glare that one could ever glare.

The jounin didn't notice or didn't give a flying fuck about the glare. Instead, he grinned. "When you have a mission, I'm always here early," he said.

Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto all turned to him. "Liar," they said in unison. Kakashi scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Well, we might as well start on today's mission," he said cheerfully.

Naruto and Sasuke felt as though they were about to be sick.

Kakashi turned to Sakura, who, surprisingly, hadn't said anything, and asked, "Who do I get to help us?" he asked.

"Ino… Hokage-sama… and that should be all for today," the kunoichi said with happiness in her voice. "Tell them to come by my house and we'll get started."

"Hokage-sama?" Naruto and Sasuke both asked in a dead voice.

"Yes, she seemed quite happy yesterday when I told her the circumstances and immediately asked if she could help in any way," Sakura said with that annoying grin of hers.

Oh, _you know:_ the one that Inner Sakura wears most of the time, but actually doesn't?

Yes, we're finally getting somewhere.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other again.

They really didn't want to know what they had gotten themselves into.

(Star)(Star)(Star)

About twenty minutes later, they were on their way to Sakura's house. Sasuke had tried to run away twice, but he didn't get very far, which resulted in the five-second walk taking a full twenty minutes. Finally, Sakura and Naruto tied a rope around his torso and began dragging the poor Uchiha all through town. They were accompanied by the frantic wailing of the boy, who was screaming, "WAAAH! I DON'T WANNA GO! DON'T MAKE ME GO! ITACHIIIIII!"

Obviously the boy was having delusions, as Itachi was the same brother who had slaughtered his family and then hightailed the hell out of Konoha.

Yes, it was the SAME brother who was currently gallivanting off around the world with the fish man named Kisame and- what?

**_Kyuubi-chan is handed a piece of paper. She reads it slowly. _**

WHAT THE FUCK! HEY YOU! THE WRITER FOR THIS DAMN SCRIPT!

**_Kyuubi-chan points in the random direction of where the hand came from. There's a boy sitting there. His nameplate, on the side of his shirt, says "Ryuugan."(1)_**

I THOUGHT ITACHI WAS GALLAVANTING OFF IN THE WOODS WITH A FISH MAN WHO CAN'T BLINK NAMED KISAME! THAT'S WHAT'S IN THE SCRIPT, YOU ASSHOLE!

****

**_Ryuugan shrugs and then walks away._**

****

Fucking asshole. Anyways, according to the change in the script that I have just received, Itachi is NOT gallivanting off in the woods with the fishman who looked more like a shark than any shark named Kisame. Instead, Itachi and Kisame were standing in the middle of the marketplace, looking at Naruto and Sakura dragging away Sasuke.

At the scream of his name, Itachi's eye twitched. Unable to control himself, he walked over to Sasuke and slammed his fist down on the boy's head.

"DON'T COME SCREAMING TO ME FOR HELP ANYMORE!" the older of the two Fan-Mans said. "I'm _supposed_ to be your _enemy_, dumb brat."

Sasuke looked about ready to cry. He latched himself onto Itachi's leg, sobbing, "But… but… NII-CHAN! They want to make me a crossdresser."

Itachi looked thoughtful. Sakura and Naruto were trying to pull Sasuke off Itachi. Itachi was trying to piece everything together in his strange little mind. Kisame was staring at his partner's butt. Heh… Pervert of the Fish.

He turned to Naruto and Sakura, his sexy fishnets peaking out from his cloak, making him even more fun to oogle… mm… sexy…

"Now that the narrator isn't listening anymore, because she's too busy staring at my sexy chest," Itachi was saying, "then can one of you two explain why the hell my brother wants to be a crossdresser."

Sasuke gripped onto Itachi's leg even more, receiving glares from several people, including the narrator. Honestly, touching Itachi like that! Oh… but they do look hot together.

Sakura, on the other hand, explained the entire situation to Itachi, who had had the evil fishman come up beside him, still swinging around his big cooking board… I mean, razorblade… I mean, samahade. It should be a cooking board… though I wouldn't want to shave MY legs with it if it were a razorblade…

Itachi listened to Sakura's explanation, ignoring the poor boy was pleading him for help.

"Hmm… do you need any help?" Itachi asked. "I have the perfect idea of what dress Sasuke would look best in."

Sasuke stared up at his brother, teary-eyed. "NOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted as loud as he could as Itachi grabbed him by the collar and helped drag him to Sakura's house. Those that _were_ staring at the strange confrontation moments before went back to their daily lives with no problem.

(Star)(Star)(Star)

There was quite a gathering in Sakura's large room that day. Seated on the bed were Tsunade and Ino, awaiting the arrival of the others. Kakashi was concentrating chakra to his feet and hanging upside down above them, reading Come Come Paradise, when the other group came in.

Kisame was pouting… or at least, the rest of them _thought_ he was pouting. He's a fishman, who can tell? Apparently, Sakura wouldn't let his razorblade into the house and had made him leave it outside. It didn't help that the man with the sexy ass named Itachi had backed the girl up. Who wouldn't listen to Itachi… especially when he looked so sexy…

Kakashi raised his only eyebrow upon seeing Itachi dump Sasuke unceremoniously down on the floor.

"Hey, you're the freaky ninja guy with the creepy eyes!" Kakashi shouted, pointing at Itachi.

"You should look in the mirror, Kakashi, you have the _same_ eye," Itachi snapped back.

Kakashi thought for a second before muttering an, "Oh, yeah." He went on, staring suspiciously at Itachi. "What're you doing here… and why aren't you trying to kill us?"

"Actually," Itachi replied. "I humbly regret trying to kill you." This made everyone in the room, including Kisame, look at him strangely. Though Kisame probably looked at him because he had a hot bod and we all know the fishman wants his partner's bod.

"You see, I'm no longer a part of Akatsuki," Itachi explained. "It was always 'go get this demon' or 'go find that scroll' or 'go kill this person' and I just didn't feel like that's what I wanted to _do_ for the rest of my life." Itachi looked a little tearyeyed. Well, as teary-eyed as the _real_ Fan-Man could look.

Kisame walked over to Itachi and patted him on the shoulder, saying, "There, there, Itachi, its okay. Everything's okay now."

Itachi looked at his partner gratefully, and we all know that Kisame was racking up his "Itachi-might-actually-like-me-back" points in his head.

They came to the whooping number of five! YAY!

"Anyway, so I decided to leave Akatsuki, and being the all-powerful sexy beast I am," Itachi continued, "I decided that I would come home and do what I _really_ wanted to do with my life."

"What's that?" Kakashi asked, still in his bat-like position on the ceiling.

"I want to open a salon!" Itachi shouted joyously.

Everyone else who was in the room blinked at this statement.

"I'm sure your dream will come true, Itachi," Sakura said, glad that Konoha _might finally be getting what she had always dreamed of!_

A salon.

But not just an ordinary salon.

Sakura had always dreamed of a salon with _hot men_ working there.

She almost swooned, but managed to return to the task at hand.

She turned to the rest of the people in the room. "All right, let's get started. First, we have to get Naruto and Sasuke fitted for clothing," Sakura was saying, before she actually pulled out a really big calendar and began pointing at the beginning. "Today is day one. We have thirty days to get these two shinobi to be perfect kunoichi! After that, we let them loose and see who can find a boyfriend faster!"

There were cheers from everyone in the room, except of course, the pouting Sasuke and the dazed Naruto.

"Today, we get them outfitted for clothing and makeup, all right?"

Everyone nodded.

The six who were going to make these two cute shinobi into dazzling kunoichi had split up into three groups of two.

Tsunade and Ino were fussing over makeup.

Sakura and Itachi were going through clothing.

Kisame and Kakashi were sitting in the corner and reading a special homosexual edition of Come Come Paradise.

Naruto and Sasuke were staring around them in horror.

Yes, horror.

Oh the horror.

GAH! What had they ever done to deserve this?

Okay, scratch that question, they had done plenty. But what had they ever done to deserve this _without Kiba, Shikamaru, Neji and Gaara being trapped here with them?_

To that question, no one knew the answer.

We'll just say it's because they would look so much better in dresses than the other four. Although I wonder about Neji… after all… he's Neji. And he's got a pretty good body that would probably fit nicely into a Chinese-styled dress. Oh, the ideas. Anyways, that's not the point of this story, however.

This story tells the suffering of Naruto and Sasuke, not of Neji.

We'll save Neji's pain for another tale, told on another day, in another way, with someone… gay? Okay… with our beloved sexy beast of beasts, Itachi.

Moving back to the plotline, now.

Tsunade and Ino were having fun working on Sasuke, who was still tied down so he couldn't bolt at the very sight of lipstick. Let's just say, he had been the practice for Itachi's childhood cosmetics.

It wasn't a nice memory.

Nope, not at all.

In the end, under the threat of making out with Ino, Sasuke relented to having the make-up put on him. While Ino was doing the makeup, Tsunade was working on the hair and Naruto was just gawking at his teammate who was getting a makeover.

After trying about fifty different shades of lipstick, Ino decided that a blood red shade would be best. It suited him, and matched his amazingly sexy eyes. And we all know the _only_ reason that Sasuke's eyes were sexy.

He shared them with Itachi.

Mmmm…. Itachi….

Ino then put on a little bit of blush to add some kind of color to the boy's cheeks, though it was hard to tell the difference as Sasuke was blushing furiously at getting a makeover. After all, _he_ was a _guy_. And ((according to him, though not to some rabid yaoi fangirls)) he was _straight_.

We all know _that's_ a lie.

The blonde girl with blue eyes that were different and yet somewhat the same as Naruto's continued to work on the boy in front of her. She turned to Tsunade.

"Dark blue mascara with violet eyeshadow, do you think?" she asked.

The older woman thought for a moment, staring at Sasuke. "Hmm…" she murmured while she was thinking.

"Yes, that combination would be good on him… but it wouldn't match the lipstick. I advise you try this shade of purple for the lips, don't forget to put black on underneath," Tsunade was saying as she picked up tubes of the stuff she was talking about. Ino looked at the Hokage and nodded, seeing what the older woman was trying to say.

"Oh, so you want him, for today at least, to go punk-goth getup, right?" Ino wanted to know.

Tsunade looked at the girl with a twinkle in her eye. "Don't you think he'd look cute in it?" she asked.

Ino smiled as she nodded.

Sasuke looked scared. Very scared.

And he was.

So, with the makeup done, Tsunade began to brush out the spiky locks of our favorite Fan-Boy… Itachi's the Fan-Man, Sasuke's the Fan-Boy. All right, good, we're on the same track here.

Now, since he was sixteen and had never _actually_ bothered to go anywhere so that he could get a haircut, the boy's locks were strange. The hair looked exactly the same as it had four years earlier, except now there was a thin ponytail that trailed down his back from the nape of his neck. When you took the ponytail out, you got luscious locks that he worked on _very hard_ to keep shiny and luscious. After all, you have to _work_ to look as good as he does when he angsts. It's not some gift given by the Gods of Prettiness and Sexiness.

Anyways, Tsunade had taken out the ponytail holder and let his hair flow freely down his back. Ino couldn't stop touching it, which made Sasuke shiver. Next time he had a chance, he really needed to go to the barbers. Wait… did Konoha even have a barber? Sasuke didn't know, but he assured himself that he would find out.

She had brushed through it, and the mane of the younger Uchiha was slightly different that it was when kept back in a ponytail. Now, his midnight hair flowed freely, spiking a little bit at the sides of his face, but in a cute way.

Naruto's eyes were about to roll out of his sockets.

"Hey, Sasuke-bastard," he said.

Sasuke glared at him, which looked like an adorable pout in a strange only-Uchiha-in-makeup-can-do way. "What, dobe?"

"I hate to be saying this, and boosting your already too big ego," Naruto was telling him, "but _damn_, you look _hot_."

"Well _of course_ I look hot," Sasuke growled. "I _am_ Sasuke after all."

To his surprise, it was Ino that responded to this. "Actually, Sasuke," she told him in a soft voice as she admired how pretty he was. "You weren't hot before… you were more… cute than hot. But now, I find myself agreeing with Naruto, for once."

Naruto just grinned. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if he turned gay, just so he could screw the new hot version of Sasuke.

Tsunade finished combing out the tangles in the boy's hair before she picked him off the group and handed him over to Itachi. "All right, Sasuke, now to get you dressed," she was saying. Sasuke looked horrified at the idea.

Tsunade walked over to Itachi. "I was thinking that for today, we should do a punk-goth genre for Sasuke, and tomorrow we can do whatever kinky stuff your thinking of," she was telling the amazing Fan-Man. Fan-Boy looked at her as if she had just grown four chicken heads.

Damn, sometimes being high was scary. Especially around chickens.

Itachi nodded, before complimenting Tsunade on the glossy hair and the makeup. Sasuke could barely believe what his older brother was saying.

_Great_, Sasuke thought. _I'd rather face a murdering Itachi than a salon Itachi… someone save me from my plight! I'm begging you! Please!_

Sadly no one answered Fan-Boy's pleas. Instead, he found himself dragged into the walk-in closet that Sakura had and the girl had just appeared from behind several racks of clothes.

"Oh, what do you think, Itachi?" Sakura said as she held up a skirt. It was long, black and seemed to have a see-through black fabric over the fabric that made up the skirt.

Itachi looked at it, then sent scrutinizing look at his brother, imagining the boy who looked almost as good to be a girl with no breast in said skirt. Tsunade had retreated back to where she and Ino would now make Naruto look girly.

"Hmm… I think that's a good fit, and maybe we should give him a crimson bra… make it a B-cup(2), and do you have any shirts that show midriff?" Itachi asked.

"Of course, I think I have the perfect one," Sakura replied before disappearing into the racks of clothes again. Sasuke was glaring at Itachi.

"You're supposed to be my older brother, _helping me out of situations like these_," Sasuke told the older Uchiha with a deadly scowl.

"Oh, nonsense," Itachi replied, patting his younger brother's head in an affectionate gesture. "I'm just trying my best to help you win the bet, all right? Obviously, you would lose if you called the whole thing off, and then this fanfic would have no point. But more importantly, I'm here encouraging you to win and helping you succeed."

Sasuke glowered. "Enough with the bullshit, you just want to see me in a skirt," he growled.

"Well, that too," Itachi admitted.

Sakura came back. In one hand, she had a crimson bra, which was B-cup. Itachi looked as though he could have kissed her when he saw it. It would be perfect for Sasuke. After all… if Sasuke was to become a woman, judging by his height and cuteness, he'd have to be _at least_ a B-cup.

In Sakura's other hand was three hangers. "These are the three midriff-showing shirts that I thought would look good with that particular skirt."

She held out the first one for Itachi to admire. It was a short-sleeved navy blue shirt that was see-through enough that you could see the outline of the bra, not the actual lacy frill that was on said bra. The second one was a black, low-cut halter-top type thing with fishnet sleeves. The third one was a dark purple halter top.

Itachi studied the shirts very carefully before choosing the second one. "This one will do. Oh, and Sakura-chan?" he called as Sakura disappeared to put the other two back.

"Hai?" her voice came from somewhere within the closet.

"Do you have a black slip for him?" Itachi wanted to know.

"Hai, I'll be right there with it."

Five seconds later, Sakura appeared with the slip. Itachi grinned. He quickly told Sasuke how to put on the stuff and in what order before shoving the poor boy into the bathroom. He gave strict orders for Sasuke to call him when he was dressed so that Itachi could come in and stuff the bra to make it look as though he had boobs.

Meanwhile, in the corner, Kakashi and Kisame were plotting. They were both surprisingly fast readers and had finished off the special edition of Come Come Paradise, so they now moved their thoughts to the tasks at hand. Once they reached a conclusion, Kakashi jumped on Sakura's bed (happily bouncing for a moment before settling himself) and yelled, "EVERYONE!"

The entire room went silent as everyone stared at Kakashi, with the exception of Sasuke who was listening through the keyhole in the bathroom door. He was only half-dressed.

"Well, each day, Sasuke and Naruto will be forced to complete a different task set before them in the road to becoming a kunoichi. Today is who looks better in a dress – contest. On top of being the first one to get a boyfriend at that final week as kunoichi, whoever racks up more points during the training will ultimately win."

Kakashi was very pleased with himself and Kisame, who had come up with said idea.

"What do we win, anyway?" Naruto grumbled.

Tsunade grinned wickedly. "Whoever wins gets to become a Chuunin while the other stays Genin forever!" she said in a mysterious voice before letting off a peal of maniacal laughter.

That made both Naruto and Sasuke want to win… if they didn't… then their dreams would be squashed. Like a bug. Now, this wasn't just a normal bet.

THIS WAS WAR!

A half hour later, the two contestants in this beauty contest thingy, with the judges ready… the judges being everyone… were hiding where they had been told to hide. Sasuke was in the bathroom, and Naruto was in the closet. After four hours of clawing at what will be known forever as the Kunoichi Curse… don't ask… I'm not explaining… wait… perhaps it should be Kunoichi Gamble… hmm… that sounds better… _anyway_, such things don't matter.

Now, they would face each other for the first time as Kunoichi. The judges were waiting, each of them holding a pen and a pad of paper.

"All right!" Itachi yelled, loud enough for both of them to hear him. "When you hear the music, come on out and get us to notice you… if we were all guys…" He glanced at Kisame out of the corner of his eye before adding, "and straight."

Sakura hit the button for the music to come on. The song, "Ready Steady Go" was from another anime, not Naruto… of which she was a part, but instead, it came from none other than Full Metal Alchemist and was a damn good song.

_READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK___

_READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK___

_READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK___

_LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO___

_Sceneries being blown away seem to whirl in front of me___

_Even if I get desperate, I won't overlook my target anymore_

Sasuke tried to keep his breaths even. He was dressed in the long black skirt that reached down to his ankles. He could feel the veil fabric rub against his forearm as he continued to try and build up the strength. His hair had been left down, with two thick locks in front of his shoulders and the rest behind them. His eyeliner was a violet hue, contrasting perfectly with the dark blue mascara and matching the violet lipstick. The sleeves of his shirt were see-through and were fishnets. His midriff showed, as Itachi had wanted but the one thing that Sasuke just couldn't get used to right now was...

The bra. How could girls live with these blasted _boobs_ that were this damn big? It sucked! He hated his brother even more. No… he couldn't just be a flat-chested chick, could he? His brother had to stuff loads of stuffing down the crimson silk to make it seem like he had breasts. He wore high heels, which he hated, as they were stilettos and he felt like he would fall and break his neck with each step he took. Finally, he opened the door into the darkened room.

_An unreliable map should be burnt___

_I'll grasp onto the buried truth with my hands_

_I came running frantically -hastily-_

_The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst_

_Your voice is echoing -shouting-_

_There's no time to be like standing still here_

_READY STEADY GO_

In another enclosure, Naruto's thoughts ran along the same as Sasuke's had. Well… sort of… he actually didn't mind what he was dressed like. And he didn't care about the boobs all that much. In fact, he was just bored.

Naruto's face was unrecognizable as "Naruto." His whisker marks had coverup on them so his face didn't show what he was, for the first time in his life. Naruto's eyes, the cerulean blue, had light blue eyeshadow and no mascara. His lips had a pinkish-purple tint to them and they hadn't put blush on his cheeks.

Unlike Sasuke's B-cup, Naruto was only put into an A-cup, so he was smaller around that area. His outfit was completely different from Sasuke's. While Sasuke had the entire punk-goth-rock genre going on, Naruto looked like he would belong out somewhere on a summer's day.

He wore a yukata that was light blue and matched his eyes. The sash around his waist was a darker blue. He wore a sky-blue skirt that came down to his ankles, showing off his normal sandals, because they were deemed worthy. His hair, which was gelled down by strawberry smelling hairgel, was barely brushing the tips of his shoulders. Slowly, as he heard the music, he opened the door, stepping out at the same moment Sasuke had.

_Even if my countless wounds get hugged___

_For a moment and gently, I won't let my soul get taken___

_On the other side of that hill, if I met you___

_I'd only think about what to start talking from___

_I came running frantically -hastily-___

_The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst___

_Your voice is echoing -shouting-___

_There's no time to be like standing still here___

_READY STEADY GO_

Sasuke was the first one to reach "centerstage" for now. He closed his eyes and let a small smile tilt the edge of his lips upwards. Slowly opening his eyes, he stared seductively at the audience. Needless to say, Sakura, Itachi, Kakashi and Ino all had nosebleeds, so they quickly found Sakura's tissue box and shoved tissue up their noses to stop the bleeding before grading Sasuke on the gradesheets they had.

Sasuke turned around in a circle, the hem of his skirt gracefully flying up and then coming back down as the song continued to play. With another slow fluttering of his eyelashes, Sasuke left the "stage".

Naruto walked shyly over to centerstage. His cheeks were flaming red in a cute manner as his eyes sparkled at his audience. His mind ran through anything and everything he could do to beat Itachi… but that meant he needed five nosebleeds instead of four. (3)

However, nothing was coming to his mind, and he heard the song enter its final ten lines. Suddenly, an idea appeared to him.

He loosened the front of his yukata a little bit, which already had Kakashi lifting up his forehead protector so he could stare more at the fake cleavage… which looked real enough. He went into his Oiroke no Jutsu pose, with his knees bent and touching, hand on his knees as he leaned forward and blew a kiss to the audience with a wink. The only thing that was different was that, instead of being naked, he had clothes on. So, he purposely made one of the shoulders fall off to show everyone what could lay beneath it.

_READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK___

_READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK___

_READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK___

_LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO___

_My heart -runs- underneath that sky___

_I can't stop my idle feelings from crying out___

_Surely I'll -reach- you in a little while___

_The sunlight shines hotly across this path___

_READY STEADY GO___

_PLEASE. TRUST ME._

Naruto looked at his work as Sasuke rejoined him where he was standing. He began to count who was down with a nosebleed.

Kakashi.

Itachi.

Kisame.

Tsunade.

Sakura.

Ino.

The blonde turned to Sasuke. "Six to four, looks like I win this round, Sasuke-chan."

The Uchiha glared.

_Kyuubi-chan's Corner!_

_Well, how'd ya like that chapter? I think I'm actually developing a type of plotline here. Oh gods, the horror! THE HORROR! Also, yeah, I added in Kisame and Itachi… which I think was a good idea, because Itachi is just that damn sexy and such. _

_(1) __Ryuugan, which means Dragon Eyes, is one of the little voices in my head. He's responsible for all the perverted stuff that comes out. See… they're two separate voices in my head. Kyuu-chan, or Kyuubi-chan, who's the more innocent of the two, but she's pretty corrupt now that I think about and then there's Ryuu-kun, or Ryuugan-kun, who is more or less… a pervert. A very very BIG pervert. Yeah… I think Toki-chan explained it to me as a Yami and Hikari… dark and light sides of the self. Mou… it confuzzled me for the longest time, though._

_(2) __B-cup… I don't know why but whenever I type this, I keep thinking "buttercup" in my head. Yeah… that's just something I thought everyone should know. _

_(3) __Yes, when you're in a position like that, you don't score by points – you score by how many nosebleeds you give your audience._

_Replies to Reviews:_

_eBooeBoo: Yes, both Sasuke AND Naruto in a dress. I love this chapter… mainly because it was so random that even I, the authoress, was surprised at its randomness. And usually, I'm never surprised at randomness. Usually. And yes, to answer your question, I have seen Spaceballs. And damn, do I love it! _

_"Did you see anything?"_

_"No, sir, I did not see you playing with your dolls again."_

_"Good…"_

_yeah yeah, and so forth and so forth. Damn, do I love Mel Brooks!_

_Toki Mirage: Yes… my sarcasm. Although it has gotten me into many troublesome places, I actually found a relatively good use for it here. As always, its fun reading your reviews, Toki-chan and Mirage-chan._

_Night-Owl123: Yes, I liked the start… but I prefer this chapter… I get to have a sexy beast (Itachi if you haven't figured it out by now)_

_KageKitsune16: Wheee… here's the next update for you… now review! WHEEHEEHEE! I love that you reviewed… mwa… are you ever going to finish your story?_

_Dark Mimiru-chan: Yes… from the depths of Hell to your Computer Moniter… I bring you... SASUKE IN A DRESS!_

_Yuen-chan: Yes, I brought back in Itachi… though I originally didn't want to, I couldn't pass up the chance to have yet another Itachi show… I've had Morning Itachi before, and now I have Salon Itachi. Man, I wish these things came in plushies. And yes, birth control… ((blinks)) I don't know whether Sakura's wishful or actually getting some. I really don't know… don't want to know either._

_oruchuban Ebisu: Yes, it is promising much craziness… heeheeheee… lots of craziness. I think this thing will continue on for a while… though I'm not going to do every bloody day. Sometimes I'll just skip a few. _

_love-chibis: glad you liked, and I hope you liked the newest attachment as well._

_Falcon-Rider: Wheee… you just gave me a really good idea for a love triangle… well… a "rival-for-your-love" triangle anyways. But its not going to show up for a while, sadly… I can still have my fun though. Thanks for the review, it was greatly appreciated! _

_Ramen no Tenshi: When I first read your review, I thought you were flaming me or something… and I got all sad… but now that I realized that you're not, can I ask you what you meant by "that's sick"… . I'm not very up-to-date on slang or anything… so I just get by with what I have… curse words, in random languages. Anyways, that's not the point. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you liked this chapter as well. _

_Wow, 11 reviews in one day. I feel like a God… but I'm not, I'm just a poor authoress in need of this as a release. _

_Preview for Next Chapter: Ino now has to teach Sasuke and Naruto the delicate art of flower arranging. Who will win? Find out… when I update!_


	3. Next Stop! The Evil World of Flowers

_1Well, I'm back, and ready for Chapter Three. Kyuu-chan and Ryuu-kun are here too. I don't know… should I let Ryuu-kun take over? I don't want to turn this into a yaoi.._

_Ryuugan: Yes, you do._

_Okay, so maybe I do… but I don't want to get kicked off FFN for… um… graphic yaoiness. _

_For those of you who haven't asked (cuz no one has, but for the hell of it I'll tell anyone who actually bothers to read these damn rants), Ryuu-kun is gay, so he's a BIG help when it comes to those scenes… ((claps for Ryuugan)) _

_Kyuubi: You mean he's actually helpful??_

_((sweatdrop)) Sadly…_

The Kunoichi Gamble – Next Stop! The Evil World of Flowers!

Ten minutes after Naruto had proclaimed his victory, the judges woke up.

"Clever!" Kakashi immediately congratulated Naruto. Naruto grinned while Sasuke's scowl deepened. He hated being bested by the dobe. After all, the blonde idiot was an idiot. And he was blonde, for Sandaime's Sake! No… I didn't say "sake" I pronounced it "sah-kay" meaning rice wine! Yay, now let's pull out the drinks and get drunk!

**_Kyuubi-chan looks around with a shifty glance. She sees a really big rock about to fall from above onto her, rocking slowly as though in a threatening gesture._**

Or not.

Anyways, it was obvious that Naruto had won the first bout of the Contest that had really no point except to amuse fans.

"Now, where did my clothes go?" Naruto growled softly. He searched all around, but sadly, couldn't find them. This was so wrong. He almost felt like he would either cry or punch the crap out of something.

Hmm… maybe Sasuke would do.

Before he could make his way over to the conniving Uchiha who had taken his clothes for reasons unknown, said conniving Uchiha made his way over to Naruto. He grabbed the collar of the yukata, glaring with the Sharigan wheels of his eyes spinning rapidly.

Naruto half wanted to call upon his own crimson eyes… but then he'd have to explain about Kyuubi to everyone who didn't know… which only included three people, but he was lazy – after all, he's Uzumaki Naruto.

"_Where the fuck are my clothes, dobe_?" the cross-dressing ninja snarled, obviously pissed.

Who wouldn't be? He still believed himself to be straight… we all know that's one big lie. But he doesn't know that yet. And they call him the "genius rookie." Pash!

Naruto blinked, a little stupidly, and stared back at Sasuke. He would have answered, but the other boy just looked so hot that Naruto's voice had caught in his throat.

_Dammit, I'm straight… even though Sasuke is hot, no bad Naruto! Bad! _Naruto was thinking to himself. _I know! I'll blame it on the Kyuubi. Hahahaha!_

**Fuck off**, said Kitsune growled in his mind.

Naruto mentally sweatdropped. Okay, Kyuubi sounded pissed. Was she PMSing again? Damn… he hated have a PMSing fox in his mind, but he knew it would be smart to listen to her warning. Nope, he wasn't going to blame Kyuubi for anything – at least not until next week. Surely, he would put the entire crossdressing thing as Kyuubi's fault and then she would get pissed and growl, hiss, snarl, scratch and whatever else foxes do when they're pissed.

Naruto really didn't want to find out. After all – he knew that _humans_ were bad enough when they were PMS-ing… and they didn't have fangs or claws.

"_Where the fucking hell are my clothes, you goddamn idiot!_" Sasuke yelled.

Those words brought Naruto back to his senses. Or, at least, as far as Naruto _can_ be brought back to his senses. He is blonde after all. (1)

"I'm looking for my own damn clothes, you asshole," Naruto snapped as he shoved Sasuke away from him. He glared, and then pointed at the boy. "The clothes that _you_ stole!"

Everyone else in the room, except for Kakashi and Kisame, were staring at him with rather large sweatdrops. Kakashi still needed to recover from the nosebleed Naruto had given him and Kisame was thinking about whether he would try the positions with Itachi from that Come Come Paradise novel.

In other words, Kisame and Kakashi were being normal Kisame and Kakashi and were ignoring everyone around them when all of the sound, a loud **_crash_** was heard.

A flash of green swept around the room like a tornado before stopping in front of Kakashi.

"Ah ha!" the blur said as it stopped and pointed a finger at Kakashi. "I have finally found you, my most worthy rival!"

Yes… it was the ever-infamous and ugly, creepy, spandex-wearing Gai. He suddenly started off into an annoying long speech that had everyone, including Kisame, Naruto and Sasuke, staring at him in complete and utter horror. What was the topic of this speech, you say?

Flowers.

Yes, you heard me right.

Gai was ranting about flowers.

Why, you ask?

Who the fuck knows! It's _Gai-sensei_ we're talking about here. He made a clone of himself named Lee and his last name means MILK so why _wouldn't_ he be talking about flowers?

Of course, Ino and Sakura were listening.

Itachi curled up and began to catnap.

Tsunade was drinking sake.

Sasuke and Naruto were staring, eyes twitching.

Kisame was staring at Gai with a horrified before running over and glomping Itachi.

"ACK!" Itachi yelped. "What the hell fell on me?" Turns and sees Kisame, who's using him as a type of shield. "Oh… its just you, good night." He happily curls up again.

"But… but… ITACHI!" Kisame yells, sniffing in a sharkish manner.

Itachi glares through one eye. "What's you're problem, you're a fish – go eat him or something!"

Kisame made a squeaking noise in his throat. "But… but… he's talking about –" His voice drops about three levels… if that's even possible, and he says in a whisper after glancing around in a paranoid way, "_flowers"_

Itachi patted Kisame on the head much like one would pat a scared dog or cat… or in this case, fish. "There there, Fishy-chan, (2) let's forget about flowers and move on to the next part of the contest."

Kisame nodded meekly.

Ino grinned when she saw the look on Kisame's face. "Sorry, Itachi, but the next part of the contest has to do with flowers," she explained.

Naruto and Sasuke both paled as they looked at her. The two began screaming profanities at her, drowning each other out so it sounded just like one massive scream that changed in pitches.

Sakura smacked both of them, hard, on the cheeks.

The smack brought Gai back to his senses.

"Hello," he grinned in an only-Gai-and-Lee-can-grin-like-that way. "And who are these two young kunoichi." He examined them, noticing that both of them were showing off their bodies.

The blonde one had the shoulder of the yukata down and the black-haired one had their midriff completely exposed.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a glance. Could it be? Had they actually fooled Gai-sensei into believing they were girls? Now they had to act like girls so that Gai wouldn't figure out they were cross-dressing!

The only problem being that neither knew how to act like a girl… at all.

"And what are your names?" Gai asked. "My name is Gai! I am pleased to make the acquaintance of such pretty kunoichi."

Silence. One could hear the crickets in the background chirping ((_Chrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Chrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp)) _at the awkward silence that descended upon the entire room. Even Kisame's attention was drawn from Sexy Salon Itachi to the milkman.

"Come now, speak up!" Gai demanded in his Gai-ish way.

Sakura and Ino knew they had to think quickly. "Gai… these two are Ino and mine's cousins," Sakura lied easily. After all, she was the smartest kunoichi of their year, so it really wasn't that hard to lie. And its not like she had a truthful bone in her body. She says her hair is naturally pink! HA! "The blonde is Ino's cousin, Yamanaka Ryuusei-chan, from the Water Country, and this is my cousin, Haruno Hisui-chan from the… Mist Country." She smiled, hoping it didn't look fake.

Not wanting to blow their cover and have the entire town know they were cross-dressing, Naruto and Sasuke nodded enthusiastically.

"Ryuusei-chan, Hisui-chan, Welcome to Konohagakure!" Gai yelled and then proceeded to hug them.

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a horrorified look. They were being hugged… by Gai. Naruto squeaked when he felt Gai grab his ass and got out of the hug, doing the first thing he could think of.

He slapped Gai, glaring and yelling, "PERVERT!"

The rest of the people in the room looked at the three and blinked, confused. Gai flushed but shook it away with a grin and began rambling about how youthful strength was the greatest thing on earth.

Before they managed to get Gai to shut up, Kakashi had fallen asleep on Tsunade's breasts, which made her punch him, screaming "YOU'RE WORSE THAN JIRAIYA!"

Kakashi, put to sleep by Gai, flew through the air, still slumbering even as he crashed out the window and went shooting off to Neverland to deal with Captain Hook and be proclaimed Peter Pervert forevermore.

And so continues our tale…

It was late afternoon by the time that Ino, Sasuke and Naruto reached the flower field where Ino had taught Sakura about flower arranging long ago.

Now it was time to teach Naruto and Sasuke the delicate art that is flower arranging.

"And why would we need to know this?" Naruto asked. Sasuke just glared, as though agreeing with Naruto but he doesn't speak much.

"Kunoichi have to be able to do so much more than shinobi – kunoichi have to be able to infiltrate another country as normal women and not as ninja," Ino explained patiently.

"And so what the fuck would flower arranging do to help someone infiltrate?" Naruto deadpanned.

"Well, if you infiltrate as a maid, then you might be assigned to set the flower decorations at your master's table," Ino supplied.

He glowered at Ino. He hated flowers.

But not as much as Sasuke did. Oh yes, was it possible to hate flowers as much as Kisame does? Yes. For Sasuke had the same fear of flowers as Kisame had.

And both of them blame it on Itachi.

Isn't that fun?

Of course, neither knew that the other had the exact same fear as them. Who knows if they would ever find out about it?

Not me, that's for sure.

Anyways, Ino was currently explaining how both Sasuke and Naruto needed to gather a "center" flower.

Sasuke and Naruto blinked when they heard that term. Sighing, Naruto reached down and picked up a dandelion that was next to his foot. Sasuke smirked and picked up a blade of grass. It was flowery enough for him.

Ino glared at both of them, smacking the plants out of their hands. This was definitely pissing her off. Neither of the two were even willing to get this done and both were trying her patience.

"All right, then," she snapped. "Stay Genin and have everyone pass you. See if I care – I'm only trying to help you!"

Both Sasuke and Naruto froze at the words.

They had completely forgotten what Tsunade had told them. The winner would become Chuunin and the loser would remain Genin forever. Dammit, could it get any worse than this?

They really didn't want to know, but it probably does. Heh…

After being lectured by Ino on what types of flowers would be good for the centerpieces, Sasuke and Naruto went off hunting for the certain types. Of course, Ino had only mentioned the names, not what the plant actually looked like. That was really confusing Naruto while Sasuke was trying not to see evil visions of the flowers attacking him, making him want to run up a tree like a cat being chased by a dog.

It was a long story of how this fear came to being, and since I'm bored and it's not rambling, I'll tell you what happened.

_Sasuke was merely six years old when the incident happened. He was walking through the glorious field of flowers that was found behind the academy for reasons unknown to anyone except for him. While he was skipping along, with a frolic here and there, he began to sing. _

_"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la," he changed the pitches to the word "la" of course, but he was still horribly offtune, but chibi Sasuke was so cute that it didn't matter. _

_Suddenly he tripped over a tree root and fell… on his face… in a bunch of flowers. _

_"La-omph" was the last note that had escaped his mouth before he picked himself up. He looked around, and since the flowers were concealing the tree root from him, he began to look around for a culprit. _

_Who else did he find but our beloved blonde hero, Naruto. _

_Now, Naruto was napping, minding his own business when all of the sudden, some little punk had grabbed his collar and started shaking him, screaming obscenities that a six-year-old really shouldn't know, but he has Itachi for a big brother, so let's just leave it at that._

_Well, Naruto was not happy in the least that he was being disturbed while sleeping when he should be in Iruka-sensei's class. _

_"Who are you and what are you doing?" he mumbled, still groggy from his nap. _

_"I'm Uchiha Sasuke and I'm getting you back for tripping me," screamed the little boy in a very girlish manner, poor boy. _

_Before Naruto could reply, he felt the other boy's fist connecting to his face. "Why you little-" he growled in his throat, for this was the only time in his life that he was ever taller than Sasuke, so nowadays he relishes that fact. _

_The two began pounding each other into oblivion before they started commenting on how pretty the stars were. Completely bloodied and kind of high from all the pollen, Sasuke and Naruto laid back in the grass and began to name the clouds. _

_"See the big one over there with the big butt?" Sasuke asked._

_Naruto nodded. "What should his name be?"_

_"Let's name him Sarutobi!" Sasuke suggested. He had fleetingly met the very thin Hokage, but they were children, so they were allowed to make shit like this happen. _

_"Okay… and what about that one, his nose is crooked!" Naruto said. "He should be Iruka."_

_"That works," Sasuke replied. He felt his hands mindlessly (for hands are always mindless, as they have no brains.) fiddle with the grass as they lay there. _

_All of the sudden, his elder brother Itachi appeared. _

_"What are you doing here, nii-san?" Sasuke pouted. _

_Itachi ruffled his hair. "I was just saving you from the evil flower king," _

_"Evil flower king?" Naruto and Sasuke asked in unison. _

_"Yes, he will steal your brains and eat your bones, like he did to that poor squirrel right there," Itachi explained. He pointed to a squirrel that had stupidly fallen out of a tree. _

_Suddenly, Naruto and Sasuke began running around screaming about how they were going to be eaten. Then they clung to each other, shaking in fear. It scared them – this… this… evil flower king did._

_So after they had gotten better control of where they were and ran away from the flower field, shouting obscenities that six-year-olds really shouldn't know. Without realizing it, they began to compete to see who could get away from the Evil Flower King faster. _

_Thus, Konoha's most famous, most troublesome, and most ((snickers… not saying this one yet – leave it up to your perverted imaginations to fill in this blank)) rivalry all started. _

Naruto noticed Sasuke looking very pale under his makeup. "Sasuke?" he asked. "Oy, Sasuke?"

He got no response. The blonde shrugged and turned to walk away when his scantily-clad best friend jumped on him, his hands around Naruto's neck and his legs around the boy's waste. He had just noticed how many flowers were around him in the field.

"S-s-Sasuke?" Naruto asked, cursing himself mentally when his voice squeaked.

"The Evil Flower King is going to steal my brains and eat my bones!" he shrieked, burying his face into Naruto's neck.

Naruto felt himself grow quite warm at the nearness of his sexy best friend. After all – Sasuke is sexy – not as sexy as the Sexy Beast Itachi, but he's still sexy.

Suddenly, the memory came flooding back to Naruto as well. "Hold on, Sasuke!" he called to his friend. "I'm going to get us out of here."

Sasuke nodded and clung to the smaller boy, looking around wearily, trying to spot the Evil Flower King before he had a chance to steal their brains and eat their bones, etc, etc, etc.

Naruto hoisted up his skirt, so that it fell short of his knees. "Hold onto this, Sasuke," he murmured as he tucked the bulk of the skirt into Sasuke's leg, which was wrapped around his waist. That would have to do for now. Holding onto the older boy's legs, he made his way at top speed, back to where the others were lazying about.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" both boys screamed as they got within hearing distance.

Everyone looked very confused when they saw this. When Sakura asked, "Why?" Naruto and Sasuke were only too happy to reply.

"IT'S THE EVIL FLOWER KING!" the shouted in unison. "HE'S COMING TO STEAL OUR BRAINS AND EAT OUR BONES! SO RUN! RUN IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!"

While everyone stared at the two in disbelief, Itachi pulled out a camera and quickly snapped a shot of his little brother using the fox-child as a horse instead of a fox… what would one use a fox for anyway? Don't ask me – I'm asking YOU! Suggestions are welcome, for they may appear in later chapters. Mwa!

As Itachi put away his camera, the two boys found themselves completely worn out. Naruto collapsed and Sasuke, tired of both screaming his lungs out and hanging on for dear life, dropped on top of the boy. Again, Itachi whipped out Mr. Camera (who shall be given a proper name when the time comes) and took another photo. Oh, he was going to love this scrapbook once it came out. Yes he was, oh yes he was!

((clears throat)) Moving on, however. As soon as Naruto and Sasuke fell onto the ground, they were fast asleep, Sasuke curled up to Naruto and the blonde wrapping an arm around his friend.

Sakura, Ino, and Itachi looked at it, sneaky ideas coming up in their minds. Exchanging quick glances, they realized what they had to do. It didn't matter if Sasuke and Naruto hated them later on (more than they do right now, as it were). They huddled together and began to plot.

The other judges however, agreed that four points each would be awarded to the Kunoichi-in-Training, for cuddling while sleeping and looking so damn cute about it. They also awarded Sasuke three points for using Naruto as a way to escape the flowers, since he couldn't run in stilettos.

Sasuke and Naruto slept on, oblivious to the many horrors yet to come.

_Kyuubi-chan's Corner!_

_(1) __To anyone, if anyone, who was angered by this statement, don't be. I'm a natural true-blue blonde… which makes no sense, but I'm blonde and I'm insulting myself here – because I look almost exactly like Naruto… just add a foot, some boobs and minus the whiskers and I look a lot like him… I act a lot like him too… 'cept I'm not as stupid. _

_Ryuu: You wish._

_Fuck off. ((looks at reviewers starting to back away. Runs over and glomps all of them)) NOT YOU! I was talking to Ryuu-kun! He's being mean again… it makes me want to cry… grrr… stupid pervert is being mean… ((sniffs)) _

_Reviews would help me smile again ((runs off and cries))_

_Okay… that was a bit pathetic… . Even by my standards. _

_(2) In _Hybrid Theory_, when Naruto and Sasuke go to the festival, Sasuke does the fish-catching game and after about 47 or so tries, catches a fish, which Naruto happily names "Fishy-chan." By site-ing where I have used this nickname, it's obvious I like it, so bugger off if you don't. Yeah, for those of you who've actually _read_ HT, your not imagining things – besides those fucking moose that won't leave you alone – I did use Fishy-chan twice throughout my fanfictions, okay? Now tell the moose to stop bothering me! There bothering me! WAAAH! THE MOOSE ARE PICKING ON ME! ((runs off… yet again…))_

_Anyways, in continuation of this AN, I was reading through chapter two when I got a great idea. I would leave, at the bottom of every chapter, the Nosebleed Scoring Guide and how many points Sasuke and Naruto had racked up during the fic. Since there are seven judges, I'll rank the number of Nosebleeds and what each means! A new one will be added each chapter, so stay tuned!_

**The Official Nosebleed Chart**

One Nosebleed – Kakashi – you were sexy enough for a pervert.

Two Nosebleeds – Kisame – you were sexy enough for a gay shark-man pervert.

Three Nosebleeds – Sakura – you were sexy enough for a stylish young girl

Four Nosebleeds – Ino – you were sexy enough for a violent young girl

Five Nosebleeds – Tsunade – you were sexy enough for the Legendary Sucker to stop gambling just to stare at you!

Six Nosebleeds – Itachi – you were sexy enough for the man who wants to make a salon and now he is devising contracts so that you can model in dresses for his grand opening and get the customers coming in.

Seven Nosebleeds – Gai – you were sexy enough for an idiot who is the blessing of all insomniacs with his long ass speeches, and he actually shut up for once.

**Scores:**

Naruto - 10

Sasuke – 11

**_Preview for the Next Episode of…_**

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**_The Kunoichi Gamble!_**

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**_Sasuke and Naruto, our beloved Kunoichi-in-Training have passed the first two steps in their "dreams" of being Kunoichi. They have learned how to impress the audience with sexiness and have… learned somewhat about flowers. In the next episode – they find out that all Kunoichi must be graceful. _**

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**_So they are given dance lessons… by none other than the notorious Gai! _**

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**_Stay tuned to The Kunoichi Gamble. Remember, contributions to our show can be made by clicking the little box you see on the lower left hand corner of your screen. All contributions are helpful to making our show successful! _**

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**_Thanks to all of those who have contributed comments to our Mail Office, each was greatly appreciated and tacked up on a wall. Thanks again! _**


	4. Dancing Soon Becomes Romancing

_Sorry for taking so long to update this fic… I just have been preoccupied with I Bleed Black, y'know? Twenty-nine chapters at this point, folks, hope it will continue. Anyways, that's not the topic of this, however. Um… my apologies for taking so fucking long… and on with the story._

**The Kunoichi Gamble: Dancing Soon Becomes Romancing**

It came to pass that the two boys, because they had collapsed, were released to do whatever they wanted for the rest of the day. Naruto and Sasuke went back to Sakura's house – where their clothes had mysteriously reappeared, and changed. They gave the clothes back to Sakura, washed the makeup off their faces and were on the way out the door when someone called them back.

"By the way," Little Satan, otherwise known as Sakura, called. "Report here at 4:30 tomorrow morning, or you will forfeit tomorrow's lesson." Her voice was sweet, but the look in her eye was scary.

Very, very scary. Gulping, the blonde and brunette boys nodded hastily before making a run for it.

Since we don't give a damn what Naruto and Sasuke do on their off time – unless they're screwing each other. ((checks)) However, since they aren't, we will just do the Time Warp so that it's 4:30 the next morning. See!

_It's just a jump to left_

_Then a step to the ri-i-i-i-ight_

_Put your hands on your hips_

_And stick your knees in ti-i-i-i-ight_

_But it's the pelvic thrust_

_That really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane_

_Let's do the Time Warp AGAIN!_

Two groggy-eyed boys with angry glares on their faces walked into Sakura's kitchen at 4:30 the next day. Both were scowling, with bags under their eyes. Obviously, neither really wanted to be here, but Tsunade's threat just kept them coming back for more.

The two were given food and coffee, of which they were grateful to have. Pretty soon, the purple gunk that makes up bags under one's eyes started to disappear… Look! It's all gone now.

Now, the two shinobi-who-didn't-really-dream-of-becoming-kunoichi-but-who-cares-what-they-think were back to their normal selves. Sasuke was glowering at everyone… especially Sexy Beast Itachi. A thought occurred to him.

"Itachi!" the younger of the two Uchiha growled.

"Eh?" Itachi asked, dressed in a light purple bathrobe and holding a newspaper in one hand and a coffee mug in the other.

"If you didn't really like killing everybody – then why did you kill our Clan?" Sasuke wanted to know.

Itachi grinned. "Oh, that, see – I really _didn't_ kill them."

Everyone stared at them… "HUH?" was the general sound throughout the entire room.

Itachi felt his cheeks reddening, but he had enough control not to blush.

"Yes… they _aren't_ dead," he began to explain. "You see, Mother and Father wanted to go on their Second Honeymoon, but they wanted to make sure that you… Sasuke-kun… wouldn't follow them, and since I was always at work and all of the Clan members were always at work, the three of us devised a strategy about how to make it seem for you not to kill them. I was supposed to tell you on your eighteenth birthday… but whatever."

Sasuke felt a vein pop in his head as his left eye twitch. He jumped up, grabbing the front of Itachi's bathrobe. "_YOU MEAN THAT ENTIRE THING WAS A FUCKING JOKE!_" he screamed.

"Language, Sasuke-kun," Itachi reprimanded the boy. "And yes, it was." A slight pause. "Umm… surprise?"

"_DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DAMAGE HAPPENED BECAUSE OF THAT THING!? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I'LL KILL YOU!"_

"Yes, yes, you've said this several times," Itachi said while taking a sip of his drink. "Honestly… didn't it all seem a _little_ too perfect? I had borrowed the lines of what I said to you from your favorite anime… there really wasn't much else I could do to tell that it wasn't real – unless I got my ass kicked by Father. You do realize that I was never as strong as Father."

Sasuke just stood there, wide-eyed as he opened and closed his mouth. No words ever escaped his lips whilst he was in this position.

Ino and Tsunade took this opportunity to drag the young teenager into Sakura's room in order to do his hair and makeup once more. Sasuke sat abnormally still as the makeup was applied. Today, they gave him a more natural look, instead of going extreme and into making him a goth once again.

Instead, they gave him black mascara. The eyeshadow of today was a light blue – similar to Naruto's yesterday. He was given a scarlet lipstick that contrasted well with his pale skin.

Still stunned, the boy was shuffled over to where Itachi and Sakura were waiting to dress him up. Seeing how Tsunade and Ino had done the makeup, and _knowing_ what was in store for the Kunoichi-in-Training, they pulled out a dress that was a mixture of black and scarlet.

The scarlet underdress swished around and was made of silk. It was modeled after a renaissance thing that Sakura had seen once. She had made the satin black overcoat as well, which laced together from waist to bodice.

The boy was shoved into the bathroom, where he actually put on the clothes with very little protesting.

Naruto was next. His makeup was done pretty much the exact same as yesterday, except for the lovely blue eyeshadow was swapped for a green one. After all, it matched _this_ dress more. The dress was long and loose. Even though the waist slimmed to show off Naruto's "figure," it still managed to be comfortable. The top spilled off his shoulders into a green ruffle-like collar. The skirt matched the green ruffled collar. However, the bodice was tighter and made of white. All in all, it matched the boy pretty well. After Naruto stuff the bra and had his hair redone, he looked pretty fantastic.

Before your dearest narrator forgets to mention this, I am telling you. If you want to see _any_ of the dresses that have appeared in this fic… or chapter… just email the author. You can find it on her profiling page. Isn't that right, Ryuu-chan?

**_Ryuugan_****_ looks over, blinks and shrugs. He holds up a sign. "I don't give a shit." _**

All right, fucking asshole. THIS IS WAR! I'LL GET YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS! I SWEAR IT BY MY TOENAILS!

Ahems. On with the storyline, now.

Seeing that Naruto's neck looked bare, with the exception of the necklace he had gotten from the Hokage. She pulled out three drawers full of jewelry and selected an emerald pendent on a leather string which she tied around the boy's neck.

"Don't lose this, okay?" she asked.

Naruto nodded.

It was eight o'clock.

Sasuke had snapped back into being the insufferable asshole that we all know him as.

Naruto was too busy twisting his hips from side to side to acknowledge the Uchiha. A delighted grin lit up the blonde's face as he focused intently on the "swish" of the skirt and the tickling it made around his ankles. He could do this all day.

But alas, that was not to be.

For out of nowhere – once again – the spandex wearing milkman made an appearance.

"Hello, Ryuusei-chan and Hisui-chan!" he greeted with one of his I-wanna-puke smiles… of which he thought was an "I'm-so-sexy" smile, but I'm one of the people that agrees with the former rather than the latter.

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a glance.

Who was who again?

They couldn't remember something so trivial – especially since right afterward, they had been chased and almost defeated by the Evil Flower King. Luckily, they had escaped with their lives. But who knew what would happen next time?

No one did.

Especially not me, because I've been too lazy to read forward in the script. So if I mispronouciate any words, it's not my fault. It's the writer's for making it too hard for me. (sobs)

Now, before I am smushed once again, we will return to the storyline. For even though I am the All-Powerful God of this story, its never fun being smushed.

Sakura came over to Sasuke and Naruto. "You two will be learning how to be graceful today," she whispered.

Sasuke glared at her. _He_ already knew how to be graceful. After all, he wasn't a clumsy idiot like Naruto was.

"I have been told of your predicament, Hisui-chan and Ryuusei-chan," Gai began, his voice louder than it needed to be and his movements more exaggerated than they needed to be.

"Uhhh… which one?" Naruto asked sweetly, trying to hide the confusion in his voice.

"Why – going to the ball, of course!" Gai proclaimed. "Two young kunoichi who participate in social events _must_ know how to _dance_. And here I am, ready to teach you all I know about ballroom dancing."

Both Naruto and Sasuke experienced a twitching problem with their eye. Both wondered how on earth Gai believed a shitty story like that.

"Well… what exactly do you two know about dancing?" Gai asked.

"Truthfully," Sasuke replied. "Absolutely nothing."

He kept his voice a pitch higher than normal, trying to sound female. Gods, _why him?_

Gai jumped back, as though horrified.

"You do not know how to dance?" he asked, astounded.

Both "kunoichi" shook their heads. Of course not. Why in Seven Hells would _these two crossdressing genin_ know how to dance?

Gai took Sasuke's hands. "Just follow me," he said. He ordered Sakura to start the stereo. Classical music filled the room.

"And, 1, 2, 3, and 1, 2, 3," Gai was instructing, leading Sasuke around. Sasuke didn't know how many times he had tripped over either his own feet or the gown he was wearing. Suddenly, Sasuke tried to do the steps and ended up falling flat on his face.

Naruto came over, crouching in front of his fellow sufferer. He had been told who was who by Sakura, who had luckily remembered.

"Hisui-chan, that was kinda pathetic, ne?" he asked.

Sasuke glared up at him. "Can it, Ryuusei-chan!" he yelled back.

"Hey, I was just speaking truth."

"Well then stop lying!"

"Dude, it _so_ wasn't lying."

"Wanna fight!"

"Ladies, ladies!" Gai yelled above them.

"What?" both "kunoichi" growled angrily, turning their hateful eyes at their "dance instructor."

Itachi got both of them on the hands with a neon green ruler. "Ah, ah, ah!" he warned them, looking much like a strict teacher. "Ladies are _calm_, _poised_, and _patient._ They do not fight, except when jealous."

Both Naruto and Sasuke glared at Itachi. They waned to hurt him so badly. However… Tsunade was behind Itachi with a smirk on her face.

They would listen to that smirk… for now. Once they could, the two swore silently that they would figure out a way to get revenge on everyone in this room!

Nobody! Nobody would be spared from their wrath!

The two were yanked out of their maniacal thoughts when each was wrenched by a guy. Naruto had been pulled into a waltz by none other than…

Uchiha Itachi.

Sasuke, however, was forced to continue dancing with Gai, much to his dismay.

After a few hours of swirling, twirling and learning new steps, Sasuke and Naruto were told that they would be graded on dancing.

Both of the boys looked at Kakashi evilly.

He was going to die… MWA HAA HAA!

But they were still forced to actually dance. They were both paired up with Itachi, as he was declared one of the best dancers – even more so than Gai. Gai was handed Itachi's grading sheet, though no one told him that the two contestants were male.

Sasuke went first. "I fucking hate you," he muttered as a blush crept onto his cheeks. Why him? The gods hated his guts. He took his brother's hands and allowed the older Uchiha to guide him around. His dress swished and whooshed in time with their dance.

Even though it was grudging, the younger of the two had to admit that Itachi was a good dancer. As a grand finale, completely taking Sasuke off guard, Itachi swept the… boy-masquerading-as-a-girl up in his arms, planting a light kiss on his/her forehead.

"Good job, Sasuke-kun," he said in a low, yet seductive voice.

Sasuke had a little bit of trouble keeping his hormones under check. His face heated up and he looked down. "You can put me down now, Itachi," he murmured softly.

Itachi laughed a choclaty-rich laugh. "Kawaii!" he cried, swinging the girlish fellow up so that he was holding her by her waist. He swung Sasuke around a little bit before letting the young teenager alight on the ground once more.

Sasuke was thankful for long hair. It meant that he could hide the blush on his cheeks.

In his mind, however, he was chanting a mixture of "Damn you, Itachi!" and "Gods… I just want him to pick me up like that again and fuck me!"

Needless to say, he was not happy with either voice.

Sighing, the younger Uchiha took a seat on a chair and watched Naruto and Itachi's performance.

It was needless to say that watching the two was like watching art. They contrasted so deeply that it was beautiful in its own way.

**_Kyuu-chan_****_ walks over to Ryuu-chan. "Oy, moron! What the fuck is with this script? This is a HUMOR flick, not a DRAMA lovey-dovey, mushy, I-wanna-gag flick. Get the fucking thing right!" Kyuu-chan walks away. _**

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**_Ryuugan_****_ gives her the finger behind her back._**

Sorry about that. Some things just needed to be told, and well, as the narrator, I'm the one who tells them. Well, since Ryuu-chan seems to not want to rewrite this, I suppose we'll just have to continue with the original. Bare with me… this is kind of sappy.

The classical music floated through the air. Naruto – or should I say Ryuusei – looked almost like a wet dream come true… sorry, that was me adding that in – not Ryuu-chan.

**_Kyuubi hears something from offstage_**

Goddammit, Ryuu-chan! I know! I'm getting back to the script! Asshole!

The two were in perfect synchrony, but there was an aura that was even more. Unlike the love-hate aura that had encircled Sasuke and Itachi, this one was like the Sun and Moon dancing together in a sky devoid of stars. Two complete opposites, relying on each other to complete the dance of ages.

It was beautiful, Sasuke finally admitted as he watched them with unblinking eyes.

The tempo grew faster, and both dancers kept up with the change of pace. Now it seemed like the two were fighting each other, becoming one in the sky, becoming equals yet hate gathered around them.

The beat slowed. It was sorrowful now, as though one of them had lost the other… but they were there together. They just couldn't see that. They just couldn't understand that.

The dance ended.

Before anyone could do anything, Itachi put a hand on Naruto's chin. He titled it up and claimed the blonde's lips with his own. His kiss became more dominating as he invaded the boy's cavern with his tongue. They battled for dominance for a moment, before Itachi finally won. Now, all Naruto could do was cling to the older man's arms in a death-grip, because he felt as though he would fall. Itachi's hand around his waist also helped keep him upright.

Needless to say – everyone was stunned at this act. A few of them even experienced the glories of nosebleeds.

And that's how Naruto came to be winning again.

_Kyuubi-kun's Korner!_

_Okay, first thing's first. If anyone wants to find out what the dresses looked like that Sasuke and Naruto were wearing in this chapter, email me at wildmaera713 Simple enough, neh? Anyways, I liked this chapter. I just named it "Dancing Soon Becomes Romancing" because the song from "White Christmas" was stuck in my head. _

_But then the Dancing really DID becoming romancing. That surprised me. I hope you enjoyed. _

**The Official Nosebleed Chart**

One Nosebleed – Kakashi – you were sexy enough for a pervert.

Two Nosebleeds – Kisame – you were sexy enough for a gay shark-man pervert.

Three Nosebleeds – Sakura – you were sexy enough for a stylish young girl

Four Nosebleeds – Ino – you were sexy enough for a violent young girl

Five Nosebleeds – Tsunade – you were sexy enough for the Legendary Sucker to stop gambling just to stare at you!

Six Nosebleeds – Itachi – you were sexy enough for the man who wants to make a salon and now he is devising contracts so that you can model in dresses for his grand opening and get the customers coming in.

Seven Nosebleeds – Gai – you were sexy enough for an idiot who is the blessing of all insomniacs with his long ass speeches, and he actually shut up for once.

**Scores:**

Naruto - 14

Sasuke – 11

**_Next time on the Kunoichi Gamble, our two heroes… errr… heroines… learn that in order to impress any man, they must learn how to COOK! _**

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**_Yes, you heard me right, folks. Naruto and Sasuke have so far braved many dangers. They have learned how to dance, how to arrange flowers, and how to look like a girl. Now they will face their most horrible challenge yet. _**

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**_COOKING WITH UMINO IRUKA!_**

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**_Again, we, at the Kunoichi Gamble staff would like to thank all of you who made contributions to our show. If you have any questions, comments, or ideas, please click the button in the lower left hand corner of your screen. _**

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**_Thank you. _**

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**_Have a nice day._**


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